Your partner cheated on you and you don’t want to stay with a cheater, but you don’t want to leave because you care about him or her. Confusion is probably your number one feeling right now – mixed in with anger and sadness.
There are some strong opinions about whether or not you should stay in a relationship after you have been cheated on, but whether you decide to stay or not there are good points and bad points to each decision you make.
Here’s the main question you need to ask yourself after you have been cheated on: Will I be able to trust him/her again? A relationship without trust is doomed to be unhappy.
- 1 Your Partner Will Try To Convince You To Stay
- 2 If You Decide That You Want To Stay In The Relationship
- 3 If You Decide That You Can’t Get Over The Fact That They Cheated
Your Partner Will Try To Convince You To Stay
Most cheaters will beg their lovers to stay with them. They will exclaim that they will NEVER do it again, and they are so sorry that they cheated in the first place.
I believe that most of these people may be actually honest when they say they are saying it, and that’s why it’s so easy to believe them and take them back. When someone is being honest, it shows. So, you take them back and try to rebuild your relationship.
But statistics show that many of these cheaters will cheat again. And you don’t want that to happen to you.
One reference suggests that only about 22% of those who cheat do so again, while another finds that 55% repeat. According to an online survey of nearly 21,000 men and women who claimed to have had affairs, 60% of the men and half of the women were unfaithful more than once. Yet among the full group, only 38% of men and 50% of women said that they considered leaving their spouses, even though they felt that problems in the relationship (56% men, 65% women) or boredom with their sex life (44% men, 30% women) led to their infidelity. Source
If You Decide That You Want To Stay In The Relationship
If you decide that you want to stay after you have been cheated on, then you shouldn’t just accept their apology and take them back with their promise and a kiss. You shouldn’t take the risk that your partner will be one of the people who cheat again. Promises is not enough.
You should, instead, make a 3-step plan to ensure you will not be hurt again.
1. Have them work on their issues that led them to cheating.
They have to understand why they cheated on you and what led them to allow themselves to act on the cheating. If they don’t understand the why and how of it all, then how are they going to stop themselves from doing it again when those same thoughts, issues, or situations arise?
2. Work on your feelings and issues that came about from the cheating, and learn how to move on without holding on to them.
You may take your partner back. You may even move past the cheating for a while. But if you don’t really work through the feelings and issues that were produced from the cheating, then those feelings and issues may resurface later in the relationship in a very bad way, and that’s not fair to your partner or yourself.
If you agree to stay in the relationship after you have been cheated on, then you have to be willing to work past the hurt and anger and forgive your partner. You can’t bring up the pain for the rest of your relationship, otherwise your relationship will be miserable.
3. You should work on the issue as a couple.
Once you have both worked through your issues separately, you should work on how you can fix the issues together. Obviously you can’t fix their issues – they have to do that themselves. But you can offer them the support they need to fix their issues. And they can offer you the support you need.
If You Decide That You Can’t Get Over The Fact That They Cheated
Of course, if you feel like you cannot get over being cheated on and trust them, then it is best to move on in life – separately. This will ensure that you will not spend your time in an unhappy relationship reliving the fact that they cheated over and over and over again. No one deserves to be constantly reminded of that.
If you stay in the relationship purely out of fear of being lonely, single, or having to start over – but you haven’t dealt with the issues at hand, then you could be headed towards a future of low self-esteem and self-worth that comes from feeling abused or used.
If you are certain that you can’t stay with the cheater, then stick to the decision of leaving. Don’t be wishy-washy about it. If you are, it will make it harder to leave and you will be stuck in a realm of negative feelings and confusion for a lot longer than you need to be there. Have the strength and courage to head towards a happy future for yourself.
Get a plan of action to move on with your life and MOVE ON.