It is so easy for someone else to tell you what your relationship is like. It is even easy to see what is wrong (or right) with other people’s relationships. But when it comes to your own relationship, it can be hard to judge it practically thanks to strong emotions towards the other person.
There are many signs of an unhealthy relationship, and once you start to recognize them you will be unable to deny that there are issues going on in your relationship anymore. But first you have to recognize them.
- 1 Write Down Your Relationship Concerns
- 2 Unhealthy Relationship Signs To Watch For
- 3 Don’t Pretend You Are In A Great Relationship If You Are Not
Write Down Your Relationship Concerns
I know that it can be confusing. You may say things like, ‘Is this issue really that bad?’ or ‘Am I really unhappy or am I just overreacting?’ All of these questions come up and can easily cause you to stay in an unhealthy relationship because no definitive answer ever seems to arise.
To find out the truth about your relationship, you may want to ask a friend to give it you straight, or you may want to write down the issues you are having in a journal, and then take a look at them from an outsider’s perspective.
By writing down the words, you are allowing yourself to feel some sort of separation from what is going on. It is almost as if you are picking up someone else’s life story and reading about.
In short, it allows you to gain more insight into your relationship and determine whether or not it is healthy or unhealthy.
Unhealthy Relationship Signs To Watch For
Once you write down issues that you feel are occurring in your relationship, look for the following signs that indicate that you are in an unhealthy relationship.
1. You Are Barely Friends With Your Partner
Friends are honest and they communicate with each other. They treat each other with respect and enjoy sharing experiences together.
Your partner should be your friend; in fact, they should be your best friend. But they should be even more than that.
There should be a sexual side to the relationship that friends just don’t have. It is the most intimate relationship you can have, and if you are not exhibiting signs of friendship and intimacy, then you are in more of an acquaintance type relationship than a healthy intimate relationship.
Are You Barely Friends?
- Does your relationship feel one-sided?
- Are you the only one who wants to share your day, go out, spend time together, or talk?
- Do you feel like even though you see your partner a lot, they are barely in your life?
- Do you even see your partner?
If you feel like you are barely friends, it is time to seek help. You should accept nothing less than intimacy – emotionally and physically – with your partner.
2. You Feel Picked On In Any Way
Coworkers, your boss, and even strangers may make you feel like crap during your day (or try to), but your partner should not. They should be the one person who supports you, gives you a shoulder to lean on, and helps you feel good about yourself. They should not make you feel pain – mentally or physically.
If you feel like your partner is just another person out of the day who can easily bring you down, then that is not healthy. You should feel comfortable and relaxed around your partner, not on guard and defensive.
They should accept you for who you are, and they should never make you feel bad for being you.
If you partner makes you feel bad, then you are in an unhealthy relationship and you need to find a way to fix that issue. If you don’t, your self-esteem will start to dwindle, and your relationship (and your life) will never be as happy as it could be.
3. You Are Not Their Number One
No one else will be around you as much, or with you as long, as your partner. You should absolutely, without a doubt, be each other’s number one external priority in life.
If your partner constantly puts other people or other things ahead of you, then that is not healthy for the relationship.
I had a friend who put me number one and her husband number…well, let’s just say he was on the list. His feelings were so hurt by this that it affected his self-worth and how he interacted with her and everyone else. His confidence was very low. He tried to please her by being more of what she wanted, but that just annoyed her and drove her away even more. She would never confide in him like she did in me, and ultimately it was the demise of their relationship.
This doesn’t mean that you have to always be together and not hang out with friends or do things separately. But it does mean that you should stand up for each other, work on the relationship, and satisfy each other’s needs. You should ensure that your partner feels loved, validated, and important in your life, and you can do that by making them your number one priority.
4. You Don’t Feel Happy In The Relationship
You may not be able to pinpoint what is wrong with the relationship, but if you don’t feel happy in it, then something is definitely not right. It may be your attitude or perspective towards your partner, but more than likely you are not getting something that you need – communication, love, respect, or even sex. Find out what is wrong and take action on it so that you can start having the happy relationship you deserve.
If you are scared to tell your partner what you need – stop being scared. Your partner is not a mind reader and they need to hear your concerns and needs in order to be a better partner. A healthy relationship is full of honest and open communication.
5. Dependency Is An Issue
You are a couple, but you are not one person. If one of you is unable to do anything without your partner, then dependency is an issue, and that is a huge sign of an unhealthy relationship.
In order to be a healthy couple, you each have to each bring something to the table. That is, after all, what attracted you to each other. You are two separate beings supporting each other and going through life together.
When you become clingy and dependent on someone else for your happiness, you are putting too much pressure on them to satisfy you – and that will never work out. (You are the only person who can make you happy.) The relationship becomes unbalanced from all the neediness and trying to please the other person – and negative emotions are always going to come from that.
6. You Are Trying To Be Someone They Want Instead Of Who You Are
If you find yourself being someone you are not…THAT IS UNHEALTHY! You shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone else in order to make your partner happy or to feel secure in the relationship.
You are who you are.
Moreover, if you or your partner is telling lies in your relationship about interests, passions, desires, needs, or anything else, then not only will that affect your happiness in the relationship right now, but eventually the truth will come out and cause your relationship to become even more unhealthy.
You can’t push away your needs forever. One day you are going to have to admit that the real you is not who you have been pretending to be.
Don’t Pretend You Are In A Great Relationship If You Are Not
I think it is Dr. Phil who says something along the lines of, “The only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for a day, is being in one for two days.”
Staying in an unhealthy relationship, without taking action on fixing it, is a waste of life. Your life is meant to be happy, not stuck in a mediocre or unhappy state of mind.
If you now think you are in an unhealthy relationship, then take action! Fix your relationship issues! If you can’t, you may want to consider a future without your current partner.