I recently decided to check out Lee H. Baucom’s system, called Save The Marriage. The name isn’t exactly original, but it is accurate. If your marriage is in the toilet, or if you think that there is the potential for your marriage to go down the toilet, then this is a system that will help you figure out what is happening and what you can do to save your marriage. In fact, you don’t have to be married to benefit from this. If you are in a relationship, then this resource will help you out too. In short, if you have been thinking of going to therapy, or if you just desperately want to find something to fix your relationship or marriage and get out of the emotional chaos that you are feeling, then this system is something that I believe can help you.
What Is Save The Marriage?
It’s a resource to help you make sense of your relationship problems and give you some help to fix them. The ideas inside are different from what you will find in a lot of traditional marital therapy books. I think the main thing that separated Lee Baucom’s system from other resources is that he sees things differently than other therapists, almost in an enlightened way. And, he believes that you can fix your relationship for the better because he has been a witness to so many relationship transformations – even relationships that were about to end. He has a unique insight into what makes relationships work, and what drives a wedge in between two people, and he has a great way of relating his knowledge in his books and MP3s.
I’m not saying he’s unprofessional at all, though. He is a 22 year veteran of marriage therapy and has two Master’s degrees and a PH.D. I could see myself sitting in his office, listening to his professional advice, and resonating with it. I think you will find yourself thinking the same thing.
One of the things he mentions at the beginning of the book is that ‘people find each other for very deep reasons’, and then he goes on to say that those people may not be perfect, but they are the perfect person for them. I love this sentiment that we find someone who fits us perfectly, in some way, because that’s how we all feel when we meet someone that we fall in love with. They are the perfect person, despite their imperfections. It’s only later on, sometimes months, sometimes years, where we start to demand they be perfect, and that’s when a lot of problems come into the relationship.
If Your Partner Wants Out Of The Relationship
The first part of the system is a short guide on what to do if your partner wants out of the relationship. I highly recommend reading this first, because it could save you from doing something stupid that hurts your relationship even more than it is already hurt. This is like getting advice from a knowledgeable friend who saves you from making a fool of yourself or jumping the gun on an action that you will regret later on.
Save The Marriage: Get Started Quickly
When you buy Save The Marriage, you get a quick start guide. I wasn’t sure what this guide would really be about, because quick start guides are usually cheat sheets to make the most out of something, and I didn’t see how this would relate to saving your relationship, but it is actually an important part of the Save The Marriage system. It helps you decide what stage of trouble you are in and what you should do about it.
For instance, if you just see problems down the road – that is stage 1. What is Lee Baucom’s recommendation? Read Save The Marriage! He says that while this eBook is to help relationships in trouble, it is also to help relationships get moving on a healthier and happier path by teaching the aspects of what a healthy relationship or marriage is really about.
The last stage is stage 8, where your spouse has left you and is starting legal proceedings. This is the stage where you are not talking. He gives some actionable tips to help you get through this stage if it is possible. But, he reassures that he has seen couples come back from every stage he mentions in this guide, and have a happier relationship.
The Core Of Save The Marriage
You get the main eBook, which consists of 17 chapters. The last chapter is a message that many people need to hear in their relationship or marriage. It’s a message that makes you want to change yourself and your relationship or marriage. It’s a message that inspires you to do more than you are doing right now and, instead, do something that is going to impact your relationship in a positive way now and forever. It is also a practice that I highly promote on my blogs, so obviously it is something that I believe in. It is to evolve – not just grow, and he has some great tips inside the chapter to help you do that.
At the end of the chapters, Save The Marriage includes a ‘Your Turn’ aspect, which asks questions to help you reflect on your relationship and where the problems are coming from, as well as gives some instructions on what to do now, and in some cases an exercise.
Also, on the side of each page is some space dedicated to taking notes. So, print off the eBook and write down anything that comes to mind as you read.
Following is a quick breakdown of each chapter.
- Chapter 1 – Some insight into why traditional couple therapy fails, and why it’s not the couples fault – the therapy is actually to blame. This is, in part, because it focuses more on communication than on what really matters, which Lee Baucom talks about in some length. He does believe that therapy can work if it is focused on the right things, and Save The Marriage was created based on what he has found to work with couples in his career.
- Chapter 2 – Gain a new way to look at your relationship in this chapter. I love, love, LOVE this chapter because it is something that I know most of us don’t think about as we work through our relationship problems. You will learn why you need to focus on the ‘we’ in your relationship instead of the ‘me’ or ‘you.’ If you are keeping tabs in your relationship, find yourself in a controlling relationship, or feel like you are parenting your partner, then this chapter is imperative to read.
- Chapter 3 – Learn how to create a successful relationship or marriage. You will learn the three things that make up a successful marriage and how they work together. Without one of them, the other one fails, and you can’t have the success that you want to have. Therefore, they are three of the most important things you can focus on for the success of your relationship.
- Chapter 4 – Figure out what the purpose of your marriage is. You probably have an answer to that right now, but I bet you will be surprised at what Lee Baucom has to say in this chapter about your belief around your purpose. Finding the true purpose in your marriage is important because it will give you something to hang on to when times are tough and you are not sure why you are putting in the effort towards it.
- Chapter 5 – Three tips to help you create a successful marriage. Combine these three secrets with chapter three’s formula for a successful marriage, and you will be feeling much better in your relationship.
- Chapter 6 – Learn how to stop going in a downward cycle in your relationship and, instead, start moving in an upward cycle. The point here is that you can consciously choose the direction your relationship is going to go, and you will learn how to shift the momentum in the right way, even if you are the only one trying to do it. Therefore, if your spouse or partner is not willing to work on your relationship, then this will be some information that will help you let go of the anger and frustration and start taking concrete action on making your relationship better.
- Chapter 7 – Learn why you should treat your partner as if you love them (and how), instead of questioning whether or not you do love them anymore. This will help you shift the relationship even more in a way that is positive for you.
- Chapter 8 – For me, this chapter was about moving away from anger. How many of you are angry in your relationships? From what I hear, a lot! A lot of people are pissed off about their partner and don’t know what to do about it, except leave them. In this chapter, you will learn why anger has nothing to do with anger.
- Chapter 9 – Learn why the world, and your relationship, is not exactly how you see it. Just because you believe that something is happening in your relationship, doesn’t mean that it is. This all has to do with our paradigms and how the layers of them affect our relationships. You will learn how to escape the trap set up by your paradigm, which will help improve your relationship in a BIG way!
- Chapter 10 – Do you have boundaries in the relationship? Do you draw the line at being yelled at, called names, or mistreated in some other way? You should! This chapter will help you create boundaries in the relationship and stick with them so that you teach your partner how they can and cannot treat you and so you can learn how your partner will or will not be treated. This is important to the happiness of a marriage, and while you may not want to create boundaries in your relationship, it will help you dramatically if you do.
- Chapter 11 – Learn some ‘Habits of Mind’ that can improve your relationship drastically. If you know me at all, you know that I am a big believer in habits for getting the life you want, so this chapter absolutely resonated with me, and I think it is one of the tools you need to fix your relationship.
- Chapter 12 – Learn the four stages to intimacy, and figure out where you are right now and how to end up where you want to be.
- Chapter 13 – When should you talk about important things to avoid making this worse in your relationship? You will find out here. There are some interesting thoughts in this chapter, including this one – We have all heard the ‘never go to bed angry’ mantra, which I think is great for not regretting the last thing you said to your partner before bed, but with Save The Marriage doesn’t necessary recommend. In it, Lee Baucom recommends that a good night’s sleep can help you work through the problem better.
- Chapter 14 – YES! I related so much to this part of Save Your Marriage. If you believe that nothing can change in your relationship, this information will help you see things differently. And, if you are focused on living in the future, then this information will also help you out. Can you guess what this chapter is about?
- Chapter 15 – All about sex. Why it is important in the relationship, but how to view it in a way that helps fix the relationship, not hurt it.
- Chapter 16 – All about money and the relationship. If you are having money problems in the relationship, or even if you are not, this chapter will be beneficial. At the end of the chapter, you will explore where you developed your feelings around money and discover some truths about yourself that you may not have realized before.
Win Your Spouse Back
This is one of the extra eBooks that you will get when you buy Save The Marriage. If you have been reading a lot of articles online about how to get your spouse or partner back, then you are probably confused. That’s because some people suggest the dirty route, where you manipulate people, and some people suggest the non-effective route, where they just don’t know what the hell they are talking about. This guide will help you figure out the best route for you through some common questions that Lee Baucom gets with some detailed answers.
Some Bonuses With Save The Marriage
As of this Save The Marriage review, there are some bonuses. I can’t imagine them going away, but just in case they do, I can’t promise that they will be there like when I bought the system. The bonuses are definitely a complement to the program and an aid to help fix your relationship. You get:
- Coping with a midlife marriage crisis: When you or your spouse is suffering from a midlife crisis, this is where questioning the marriage and its value can come in. This almost 19-minute audio can help you figure out what to do when you or your spouse is not sure they want to be married anymore because of this crisis.
- Recovering from an affair: If your relationship has gone through an affair, then you need to listen to this almost 25-minute audio. It will give you a new perspective on why it happened and how you can deal with it. Even if you want to keep an affair from happening, this audio will help.
- 5 rules for fighting fair: This is a short little printout guide that helps you fight fairer in your relationship. USE THIS! It will help you keep fights at a level much lower than most people are used to, which is beneficial to you, your partner, and your relationship.
- An eBook called Change of Heart: This was a book that Paul and Jennifer Thibeault wrote on how they saved their marriage and made it stronger than ever. They didn’t use Lee Baucom as their therapist, but they gave him the rights to give away their eBook to anyone who bought Save The Marriage. At 40 pages or so (of actual content) it’s a quick read, and it contains a lot of questions that you can ask yourself and ponder on in your relationship.
If Your Relationship Is In Trouble, Try This System
As you can see, Save The Marriage covers a lot of stuff. But, I just gave you a brief review of each chapter and extra that comes with the system.
If your relationship is in trouble, and you are scared that you won’t be able to fix it or save it, then try this system. Read the material, answer the questions, put into practice the suggestions, and see what happens. You have 60 days to try out the system and see what happens. If you don’t like it, you can get a full refund. But, I don’t think it will take you 60 days to decide if you are doing something that is helping your relationship, nor should it. I found this information beneficial the moment I read it for my marriage, and I believe you will too.
You can learn more about it here, and you can also buy it from there. You can’t buy the system from anywhere else right now, and if you do find it somewhere else, don’t buy it unless they offer you all the bonuses as well as a money-back-guarantee. Good luck with your relationship!