Chances are you are having sex in your relationship. If you aren’t, then you are at least being intimate in some way. Physical intimacy is the one thing that we get to share with our partner that we don’t get to share with anyone else (unless, of course, you are into swinging as a couple).
Let’s say it this way – expressing love through physical intimacy is important. If you don’t express love physically, then you are called friends, and you might as well look for someone else to be in an intimate relationship with.
It is our birthright to experience physical intimacy with someone else, and if you crave it, you should be able to satisfy your needs.
Following are some habits that will help you make the most out of your physical intimacy.
Habit 1: Ask For What You Want When It Comes To Pleasure
You are the only person who knows what pleases you in bed at any given moment. In other words, what pleased you yesterday may not please you today… but your partner doesn’t know that, so they are going to use the things they know worked, and if you don’t say anything, then you are not going to be satisfied. You want to be satisfied, don’t you?
Not asking for what you want is a huge reason that many women don’t experience orgasms on a regular basis – or sometimes not at all. I would hate to think that a woman never has an orgasm. But, according to Planned Parenthood statistics, twenty percent of women have a hard time having an orgasm, and five percent of women do not have an orgasm at all.
Pleasure is not something to fool around with. You have to ask for what you want or else you may not get it.
When What You Want Isn’t The Usual Thing
If you think that what you want is too ‘out there’ and feel as though they will be disgusted by what you want to do, ask yourself if you really believe that.
Do you really think they are going to have a horrible reaction to your desires? Or do you think that they may just be willing to do some of the things (or at least a compromise in some way)? You may be surprised at what kind of fantasies your partner is having once you get the courage to speak up and ask for what you want.
The point is that this is a habit you should agree upon right from the beginning in the relationship. And if you haven’t, start tonight.
Make your needs and desires a reality with each other, because you are not going to get them fulfilled anywhere else.
Habit 2: Do Something Intimate Every Day
Have you ever noticed that the less you touch your partner, the less you want to touch your partner? You almost get used to being solo, and physical intimacy doesn’t seem to be as desired anymore from you or your partner?
If you haven’t, then you are lucky because this does happen to a lot of couples. It is a habit that is built over time. And the habit of not having sex, not engaging in foreplay, or even not kissing can be detrimental to a relationship.
Soon, the relationship becomes a sexless relationship (defined as having sex less than 12 times per year). It can be hard at that point – without help – to get back into the grove of having sex often and feeling good about it.
The way to rectify this is by doing something intimate every day. This doesn’t mean that you must have sex every day, but it doesn’t mean that you should do something that nourishes your sexual selves in some way: massaging each other, undressing in front of your partner, showering together, masturbating with your partner, cuddling, or just kissing are all intimate things that keep you connected and in touch.
Habit 3: Spice Things Up
Do you need some new ideas that will give you that feeling of excitement and adrenaline that you felt with you first got together?
Here are two ways to spice up your sexual relationship.
1. Role playing
Role playing does not just have to be limited to the bedroom, although that is very fun and exciting too. Any kind of role-playing that you do will leave you thinking about it for a long time afterward and most likely leave you wanting more. You will see your partner as the person who played “that special game” with you that no one else is able to do with you.
Besides the bedroom, you can make a date to meet at a bar or hotel and role play a situation where you have never met before. Maybe you buy a drink for each other or you end up getting a hotel room at the spur of the moment to ‘get to know each other better’. Use your imagination.
If you are stuck for ideas, try buying a book or guide, such as 100 Great Sex Games For Couples to help you get started and get creative.
Just make sure you stay in the game and don’t start nagging about something the other person is doing that normally bothers you in the relationship. What would ruin the game worse than saying “Seriously! Do you HAVE to eat like that?” Remember that this is supposed to feel as authentic as possible to get your excitement up and creative juices flowing.
2. Adrenaline producing activities.
Trust me, when you do something that gets your heart pumping with your partner, there will be more pumping going on afterward.
Adrenaline is what we feel when we first meet someone. We’re excited to see them and we are nervous to know if they like us. So imagine recreating the same feeling you had in the beginning of the relationship and using it to spice up your boring relationship.
Do anything that causes an exciting stress on you. It does not have to be something that puts your life at risk; it just has to get your heart going a little. Try watching a scary movie, go bungee jumping, go white water rafting, or do anything else that gets your adrenaline going.
Habit 4: Embrace Your Feminine Or Masculine Side
We all have a feminine and masculine side. Most females lean more towards their feminine side and most males lean more towards their masculine side.
Have you heard of yin and yang? It is used to describe how opposite forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world, and how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another. Light and dark, hot and cold, and high and low are physical manifestations of the yin and yang concept.
Yin and yang can be thought of as complementary (instead of opposing) forces interacting to form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the parts. Wikipedia
Yin is characterized as feminine and yang as masculine. Combined they form a perfect balance. Since this is how it is in all life, this is how it is in your relationship too.
If you are masculine, you are attracted to feminine characteristics, and vice-versa.
Many women have a problem embracing their femininity. This is mostly because many women are trying to prove that they have masculine qualities that work for them outside of their relationships in a masculine world. There is no problem in showing off a woman’s masculine side when it comes to career; however, in a relationship it can affect the balance that makes a man and a woman feel unsatisfied.
Embrace your masculine or feminine side in the relationship and don’t hide it when you are interacting with your spouse.
Women, be a little more vulnerable, compassionate, and tender.
And men, be a little more confident and self-assured in the relationship.
Those are characteristics that your spouse will love not only emotionally but physically as well.
Remember, though, that since we all have both masculine and feminine traits, the tables may turn sometimes. For instance, the woman may need to take charge when the man feels vulnerable.
I realize that by saying this I sound like I’m supporting aggressive and stereotypical man/woman behavior, but that’s not the case. I’m supporting balance.
Masculine and feminine traits do not have to be extreme (i.e. Abuser and victim)…that’s not what I’m saying at all! I’m just talking about embracing your natural tendencies to lean towards being a masculine or feminine energy.
In addition, if you are in a female/female relationship or a male/male relationship, there still has to be that masculine and feminine balance.
If you have two personalities that are too masculine, then there will be a lot of conflict in the relationship. Same as if you have two personalities that are too feminine. Balance is the key to having a harmonious and happy relationship, both inside and outside of the bedroom.