Everything in life boils down to perception. How you interpret or regard a situation has the power to make it something great or something horrible.
There are many people who are not happy being single because they are focused on how much being single sucks for them. But, there are many other people who are happy being single because, in part, they are focused on the positive sides of being single.
It’s all about perception.
I can honestly say that while I love my husband and wouldn’t change a thing, I LOVED being single. I appreciated the little things that you can only have when you are single. In fact, I remember being downright giddy about being single while my friends were miserable and couldn’t stand to be alone for a few minutes. Sure, I wanted love and companionship, but I supplied my own happiness that didn’t require someone else to be in my life.
What did I love about being single?
- Having the bed to myself. It can be nice to cuddle, but I totally understand why my grandparents had separate beds. Being able to spread out and use as much of the cover as you want is the best way to get a good night’s sleep. Plus, you don’t have to listen to snoring or other noises, the bed stays still unless you move around, and you don’t get over hot on those hot nights from too much body heat!
- Eating whenever I wanted. When you get into a relationship, you eat together. It’s just a part of living together. When I was single, I ate on a very weird schedule that suited me just fine. I would often eat nachos and cheese at 1 am in the morning after a long day of not eating too much. And if I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t eat. You just can’t do that in a relationship because it promotes a disconnect in the relationship (which is why eating together is often recommended by experts to build a more connected relationship).
- Doing whatever I wanted. I didn’t have to consider anyone else but myself. So, if I wanted to go for a walk late in the evening, I didn’t even question it…I put my shoes on and went. If I wanted to go to visit a friend, I went and stayed as long as I wanted to without having to answer to anyone or come home early. If I wanted to travel to the next city just because, I did that. When you don’t have to consider someone else’s needs, feelings, or schedule, life is pretty much lived on your terms!
- No hurt feelings or fights: When two people have to live together, there is bound to be some annoyances, hurt feelings, fights, etc. We are all different, so relationships require patience and understanding when your partner does things differently. While I accept my husband for who he is, there are times that he gets on my nerves (and vice-versa). When I was single, those emotions were reserved for work or being out in public, but when I came home and closed the door, it was all good! I never got mad at myself. I never annoyed myself. I felt pretty good about everything I did, how I did it, and why I did it.
I know that most people in a relationship miss certain aspects of being single. It’s just the nature of the game. So, I asked a couple of people to share what they miss about being single.
Q. What Do You Miss About Being Single?
Most of all I miss being able to hop on a plane and go whenever I like.
I live in Australia, my parents live in Europe and it didn’t used to be a problem when I was single. I loved flying and I worked in the travel industry, so I could always get reasonably priced tickets. I never even considered how much more difficult it would get once I had a husband and kids. Coordinating times-off with a partner was challenging enough. Add 3 kids to the mix and every trip turns into a complicated mission (not to mention the cost) (not to mention the ‘enjoyment’ of travel).
A. emartin74 (Working online)
I miss having my independence. I was an only child until I was 27 years old, so I got used to doing things on my own – my husband however is one of three children, so he got used to actually spending time with people. Not that I don’t also enjoy spending time with people, but I prefer quiet activities like reading, or doing things around the house – my husband on the other hand would rather watch TV or do things outdoors.
A. Dre Day (Left Brain and Right Brain Thinker)
I miss being totally selfish! I have been dating someone for over three years and having to think about them, their feelings and their schedule can sometimes be totally exhausting. When I was single, I came home from work, took off my pants, grabbed some leftover Thai food and watched some asinine tv show or movie on Netflix. Those are all just happy memories now.
Life has totally changed. Now I’m having to coordinate dinners, grocery trips on my way home from work, and for the most part, I have to keep my pants on upon returning home (due to random drop-ins from my boyfriend’s houseguests,) and having to show some restraint to not watch my favorite trashy reality shows on tv. I love being with my boyfriend, but absolutely, I miss being single some times.
When Relationships Produce Kids
As Tat said, kids are also a consideration after you get into a relationship. That’s when your freedom disappears even more.
David Leonhardt (President, THGM Writers)
It’s funny, when I read that question I think of “single” as before kids, not as before Chantal. I do miss the freedom and the time available to do things for me and for us.
I was just recalling to my brother how we used to go to Friday night storytelling when we lived in Toronto. It was just a 15-minute walk from our condo. Well, they have a similar group in Ottawa, and on three different times I had scheduled us to go. But each time, something came up with the kids’ schedules, and it had to be deferred. Just trying to schedule things like that takes so much effort and energy that it’s not worth trying.
The kids will leave home, and we will miss them. In the meantime, we have other things to miss.
Still Don’t See How To Be Happy Single?
The above insights can really help you change your perception of being single and how to enjoy it. When you realize that there is a lot to be happy about, you can put your focus on those things and reduce the stress, worry, anxiety, and sadness that comes from focusing on what you think you are missing out on.
But, if you are still not convinced, following is a good video that may also help you change your perception of being single.
The point is that a relationship is not the key to being happy. YOU are the key to being happy whether you are single or in a relationship. So, choose to let go of the negative beliefs and thoughts that make you unhappy and focus on the positive things in life and enjoy the moment you are in, no matter who is in that moment. Do that, and you will be happy single – guaranteed.