One thing I’ve learned over the years is that while it is important to have physical intimacy in the relationship, it is equally important to keep emotional intimacy high. It is a huge part of romantic relationships and many relationships end up failing because of the lack of emotional intimacy they have. In fact, many partners will go out and have an emotional affair if emotional intimacy is lacking, which can easily put it into a relationship.
Emotional intimacy consists of communication and trust. It is when you share personal thoughts and feelings with each other and you feel support, comfort, security, and trust when you are with your partner.
How To Become Emotionally Intimate With Your Partner
The thing is that emotional intimacy doesn’t just come naturally. You have to work on it!
1. Get Emotionally Intimate with Yourself
Are you emotionally intimate with yourself?
- Are you honest with yourself?
- Do you support yourself?
- Do you feel secure with yourself?
- Do you trust yourself?
If you can’t say a resounding ‘yes’ to all of them, then you may want to start working on your problem areas. And, the fact is, that most of us have problem areas!
For example, many people would agree that they are not honest with themselves. They may tell themselves something that so that they can get through the day and make themselves feel better, but the truth is they are not being completely honest, and if they were to be completely honest with themselves, then they would be taking a completely different direction than they are now.
If you cannot be emotionally intimate with yourself, then how can you expect to be emotionally intimate with your partner?
Once you are, you will find it much easier to connect with your partner in an honest and open fashion.
2. Learn Acceptance
One of the best ways to create a lack of emotional intimacy is to NOT accept your partner for who they are. If you criticize your partner, then how can you expect them to be emotionally open with you? In addition, if you criticize yourself, how can you expect yourself to be open and honest with you?
Validate yourself and your partner. This will help you support and understand yourself and your partner and create more emotional intimacy.
I have probably said the word ‘communicate’ a million times in my posts, and I will probably say it another million times. You cannot be emotionally intimate without communication. This means sharing your thoughts and feelings, as well as listening to your partner’s thoughts and feelings without judgment.
4. Spend Time Together
It is hard to be emotionally intimate with your partner if you cannot spend time with your partner.
For example, my sister-in-law and her husband did not spend a lot of time together. She complained about him and his ways, and I’m sure he complained about her and hers. On the outside it didn’t look emotionally intimate at all, and after years of doing this, my sister-in-law finally admitted that she was lacking the emotional connection she needed (among other things) and ended up divorcing him.
If you can’t spend time together, you can’t connect and you can’t share your feelings with each other. It’s as simple as that. So making time together is crucial.
If you are in a long-distance relationship, then spending time together is as easy as picking up the phone or getting on Skype. I have a friend who is in a long-distance relationship for 90% of the year; however, her and her husband take care of their kids together and communicate with each other more than most couples I know.
Note: Need help getting more intimate both physically and emotionally in your relationship? Optimizing Intimacy, a course by Jenni Skyler, PhD, is offering a course on Udemy that might be right up your alley! Check it out.