When someone breaks up with you, your world can literally feel like it stops turning. You can feel as though you will never find someone quite like your ex, and an all-consuming sadness can sweep over you. Some people retreat into isolation and are unable to sleep, eat, and interact normally. Other people feel like, on some level, they will never fully get over the breakup.
The thing to remember is that almost everyone has been broken up with, and most people end up moving on and finding better and happier relationships. You can too. It all depends on the way you react to the breakup and how you go about life in the days, weeks, and months afterwards.
Note: If you would rather get them back than get over it, check out The Magic of Making Up I think you benefit from it greatly!
- 1 10 Positive Steps To Get Over A Breakup
- 1.1 1. Give Yourself Some Time To Be Alone…But Not Too Much Time
- 1.2 2. Get Engaged With Life
- 1.3 3. Allow Friends And Family To Help
- 1.4 4. Accept Constructive Criticism
- 1.5 5. Write Down Your Daily To-Do List
- 1.6 6. Look After Yourself
- 1.7 7. Think About Your Past…Before Your Ex
- 1.8 8. Avoid Addictive Things
- 1.9 9. Don’t Be Scared To Talk About It
- 1.10 10. Get Social
10 Positive Steps To Get Over A Breakup
So, what positive steps can you take to get over a breakup and fix your breaking heart?
1. Give Yourself Some Time To Be Alone…But Not Too Much Time
No one can argue that it is healthy to stay single for a period of time after a relationship has ended, but it is not healthy to lock yourself up in your room and hide away from friends and family.
Give yourself some time to reflect on the relationship and the reality of what has happened, but don’t allow yourself to become so stuck that you can’t let go of the past, live in the moment, and move on to the rest of your life.
2. Get Engaged With Life
It is important to stay engaged in life. It doesn’t matter what you do; the point is to fill up the empty moments that suck you back into anger or despair, even if it doesn’t feel like something you really want to do. This step is really about filling in the gaps and not sitting at home in mournful reflection.
Note: You may want to avoid doing things that you and your ex did as that can just be a reminder of the relationship and the breakup. Try doing something new or something you have always done on your own like going to the gym or taking walks.
3. Allow Friends And Family To Help
While this may feel like the time when you don’t want to see anyone, inviting people into your home and your world will help you get over the breakup faster.
It is important for you to remember that fun is still out there waiting for you. It may not be the same fun you had when you were with your partner, but it can be just as much fun (or more) if you let it.
Allow your friends to stay for a while (maybe even spend a few nights), and allow yourself to enjoy their company, laughter, and support. You will find yourself appreciating the distraction from your thoughts.
Don’t be scared that you are ‘using’ people. Even if you feel like they are helping you get through the breakup without you giving much in return, friends and family will not mind being there for you during this time. Being valued is an important characteristic to have, and people will welcome the chance to feel that way.
4. Accept Constructive Criticism
If your loved ones start to tell you that you are failing to move on in a healthy way, then you may want to listen to what they say. They are probably seeing things you are not, and their concern should be valued not shrugged off.
The point is that we don’t see ourselves the same as others do. An outside view is often more objective than our own when emotions are high. Take their suggestions and seek help if need be.
5. Write Down Your Daily To-Do List
A to-do list will help you see that your life is moving forward. At the end of every day, as you tally up your accomplishments, you will realize that your life is moving forward without your ex and that things can work out if you just take it one step at a time.
If you do something counterproductive, like calling your ex, write that down as well and take note of your feelings. This will help you see what daily tasks are helping you move forward (tasks that feel good to you) and what daily tasks are keeping you stuck in the past (tasks that feel bad to you).
6. Look After Yourself
Caring for yourself is essential, even when you have no desire to do it. Taking a shower, keeping yourself clean, wearing clean clothes, exercising, drinking lots of water, and eating decently will help you feel more in control of yourself. When you avoid looking after yourself, you start to feel the self-neglect, and it makes you feel worse.
7. Think About Your Past…Before Your Ex
When you start to dwell on the loss of the relationship and worry that you will never find someone again, think about the time before your ex. You didn’t really think that you would get together with them. In fact, you may have even thought that you would never meet someone as perfect as someone else before you met them.
The point is that even if you have been together for a long time, there was a past before you ex. You can repeat history and find someone else who is the same age, shares similar interests, and complements your life in a way that your ex never could.
8. Avoid Addictive Things
While trying to get over a breakup, and dealing with high emotions, you will be more susceptible to doing silly things. Overeating, drinking too much, drugs, pills to numb the pain – these are all things that you may incorporate into your life because you want to use something to get through this period.
Unfortunately, usually addictive stuff just causes you to do irrational things. Moreover, when you do ‘get through’ it, you will be left with some unhealthy habits to get through as well.
In short, addictive things will take a bad situation and make it worse, never better. So avoid them.
Instead, try doing healthy things, like reading a book like Forgiveness By Iyanla Vanzant to help you move forward.
9. Don’t Be Scared To Talk About It
You may want to appear tough and in control, but if you don’t talk about how you feel and how hurt you are, you may not be able to get over a breakup as quickly as you could if you do. Talking about it can help you work through issues that you are having and see things more clearly.
But if you find that it is ALL you can talk about, and you can’t stop talking about it after a few weeks, then you have reached an unhealthy point. You may want to seek a therapist’s help to point you in the direction of how to overcome your thoughts, concerns, and hurt over the breakup.
10. Get Social
In order to make new friends and possibly meet a new special someone, you have to get social. Even if it is too early for you to start dating again, you need to develop an attitude that allows you to consider other people, flirt, and open up the door of possibilities again. By doing this, you will start to look forward to the future and stop looking backwards to the past.