Is space in a relationship good or bad? Should you really give your partner some space to be by themselves, follow their own pursuits, and live their own lives?
When you read that last question, you are most likely saying yes. After all, we are all here as individuals to live out our own purposes, and having the space to do that is essential.
When I was younger, I was guilty of smothering my boyfriends.
I would jump into a relationship and leave me behind in the process. I would engage in their interests and activities, and forget to pursue my own path in life.
I was always unhappy during these relationships. Now I know that when you are not being true to yourself and following your life purpose, you can’t feel anything but unhappy!
After listening to many different people, I think this is a common thing for younger people to do. However, there are many older people who still become clingy when they get into a new relationship and leave their unique life in the dust.
There needs to be space in the relationship. When there is no space in the relationship, each person can start to feel smothered and lose their identity.
But, if there is too much space in a relationship, then the relationship can start to grow apart and lack intimacy.
When you put some space in your relationship, it does not mean that you do not include your partner in your interests, activities, and overall life. It just means you give your partner some space to maintain their relationship with themselves and they give you some space to do the same.
Why Is Space In A Relationship Really Important?
You have probably heard that meditation is very important to your health and happiness, and it is – in part, the quietness (the connection to your self) that allows you to rejuvenate and feel refreshed.
You have to be in your own head in order to do that, which is a big part of why space is important: It allows you to connect to yourself, listen to your inner guidance without distraction, and follow your intuition easier.
When you are constantly be influenced by someone else, you are less connected to YOU.
When you give each other space, you also encourage trust to flourish in your relationship. When you are constantly together it can become hard to let your partner go do something on their own. It can feel uncomfortable, because you are not used to being apart. You may be tempted to wonder what they are doing and call them repeatedly, which will only cause them to become annoyed and you to become even more worried.
Alternatively, if you maintain a relationship that always includes some time for personal space, you will build trust each time you are apart. All those concerns and negative feelings will not be there, because you have proven time and time again that space is a good thing, not a bad thing, and there is no reason to get upset.
Lastly, if you are together all the time, it can become boring. You can lose things to talk about, because you lose your individual perspectives, experiences, etc. When your relationship becomes boring, it will start to suffer.
In short, a healthy relationship has space. It is something that helps strengthen not only your personal selves, but also your relationship.
Worried That Your Partner Will Get Upset?
When you give yourself time to connect to you and become more of who you are as an individual, you should – technically, be more attractive to your partner. Why? Because they fell in love with you as an individual. They got excited about the uniqueness that you brought to the table as well as the similarities that you had in common.
When that changes, and you start to become one unit instead of individuals, the relationship can become a lot less exciting!
Instead of them viewing you as a unique person, they start to view you as a part of themselves, and then they start to put rules and regulations on how you should act in order to be more cohesive together.
Keeping your unique identities in your relationship will help you avoid that problem. And, finding time to put some space in the relationship will help you keep your unique identities!
Simple Ways To Maintain Space In The Relationship
Having space doesn’t mean you have to leave each other for weeks to pursue different interests. It just means you need to give each other some time to reflect on, and take action towards, your unique path every day.
For instance, you can:
- Take a few hours apart every weekend to go for a walk alone or drive to an inspirational view to meditate.
- Take separate classes during the week to pursue separate interests (cooking, exercise, etc.)
- Allow each other go out with like-minded friends.
- Give each space to meditate, read, or reflect while at home.
Anything that gives you some time to be alone, reflect, and do stuff prudent to your own life is valuable. Make space in your relationship a daily activity and you will find your relationship will benefit as well as your own personal happiness.